Let’s talk about wedding signs…

We had some really great signs at our wedding…except the best one wasn’t on paper.

Having a memorial table was one of the first small details I knew I wanted at our reception. I decided to use wedding photos of passed relatives that had been married. Collecting photos for my family was easy, but Ryan’s family was tougher. It was hard to find photos of my mother-in-law’s parents’. Luckily, after my bridal shower in April, I connected with Ryan’s aunt, who was able to find and scan a photo of them for me!

I printed and framed the photo and set a plan in motion to ask Eva (mother-in law) and my friend Dixie (bridesmaid) to set up the table together while the rest of us were having our hair and makeup done. I hoped Eva would be surprised to find it.

I wish I could have been there to help, but unfortunately it was not possible. She did report her surprise to me later.

Weeks leading up to the wedding I was very emotional about my own lost loved ones, reflecting on their impact on my life, in ways both known and unknown. Mostly I felt at peace. But every time I thought about my uncle Stephen, who died as a young adult in an accident and whom I have missed every day for the last 35 years, I cried and felt sad. I wanted to honor him in an extra special way. I thought about writing a letter to him to include on the memorial table about how much I wished he was there and about all the other times he missed, forgetting the truth that I have always known: his spirit was there.

Since he’s passed, he’s been guarding and protecting and celebrating alongside me. Sometimes he would come in the form of lightning, rainbows, or yellow butterflies. No matter the form, he always showed up. So I don’t know why I expected anything less on my wedding day.

The week of the wedding, I noticed several yellow butterflies flying around, and I decided to call my mom and tell her about it. She knew he came to me in many forms, but this was the first time I told her about the butterflies.

As the big day approached and Dixie and my mother-in-law set up the memorial table that morning, it wasn’t until the middle of the reception when I realized that his picture didn’t make it onto the beautiful display. It turns out his photo was caught under a flap of the cardboard box all the other photos were in, and Dixie and Eva never would have known. But, he didn’t need to be on the table, because he had grander plans.

To quote part of our ceremony: “there are others with us here today who live beyond the veil – invisible to our eyes but felt powerfully by our souls. Their presence is no less real than the land on which we stand. We know them every day in the sun that warms us, in the rain that lulls us to sleep, and in the wind that dries our tears.”

Uncle Stephen wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad at my wedding day! He wouldn’t have wanted me to cry, even though I almost always do. Maybe he sent the wind…

As my procession began and the doors dramatically swung open, a strong gust of wind blew towards my brother and I as we began to walk down the steep stone stairs to my parents who were waiting to take me down the rest of the aisle. We laughed at the absurdity of trying to survive each downward step with a train of delicate tulle behind us and tried our best not to trip on it. As we joked about the struggle, we were focused and determined to get down there without an incident.

And while we were at our most oblivious moment, it was later reported that a yellow butterfly flew past the water, across the stairway where we stood, around my parents watching us from below, and then disappeared into the woods.

No one noticed except the venue coordinator. She was compelled to tell us later, assuming its potential significance.

I truly believe that this was intentionally how he wanted to make himself known, because I didn’t cry, I wasn’t sad. I didn’t feel the pain of his death on the best day of my life. I just felt all the love, joy, and laughter I deserved to feel, while getting the confirmation I needed that the most honored guest of all had made an appearance.

My uncle would have made the best wedding guest because he was the most fun guy ever. He loved nature and was on a mission to protect the earth, he was studying geography and gave me my first specimens of crystals and minerals and cool and unique seashells; many of which I still have today. He pulled off the biggest squirt gun fight with the tiniest squirt gun I’ve ever seen. He almost convinced me that if I planted a jelly bean it would turn into a candy tree (if only!) He was patient and a good teacher. One night, as a child scared of a big thunderstorm, he brought me downstairs to sit on the steps and watch the sky light up and listen to the booming thunder. He convinced me it was more beautiful and magical than watching any fireworks show. He loved being an uncle, and he loved me. The love was special when he was alive, but perhaps even more special now that he’s gone, because he connects me with a love larger than life, and beyond death.

Stephen showing up in this way feels especially fitting, because Ryan is the kind of uncle to his nieces and nephews Stephen was for me. In fact, his mom Eva even wrote and organized a surprise song performed by 9 of his nieces and nephews about how much he means to them.

I believe my uncle had a role in bringing Ryan and I together, but that’s a different story to be told elsewhere another time.