Bridal Facebook groups: a blessing or a curse?

Once we got engaged and I realized we were going to be planning an actual wedding, I joined a Facebook group for brides. And then another. And then another. And then another one for plus sized brides. And then another one for alternative weddings. And then another one for saving money on wedding related stuff. And then one (or a few) for my specific area. And then I joined a group that spawned from another group I was in specifically for people from the group who are getting married in the specific month and year I am. Oy.

Yeah I know how this sounds. It sounds like the quickest road to crazy-wedding-planning town. And don’t get me wrong–it is! But I can’t look away! Not only is it equal parts depressing and inspirational, but it’s also very entertaining. You can’t make up some of the things I’ve seen. And let me tell you, I’ve seen some shit! That’s probably why most of these groups have rules like “no screenshots” or “what’s said in this group, stays in this group.” Because wow. Just wow.

While I will actually (for the most part, suprisingly), honor those rules, the groups have been really eye-opening for me. Having hung around in these corners of wedding Facebook-land for a few months, I’m finally starting to process some of what I’ve seen and how that affects the way I feel about weddings and marriage, being a bride, other women, society’s views towards marriage and women, etc. There’s a lot.

I know that this will be an ongoing process and that I will need to keep revisiting the topics that get brought up in me from these groups. Which is good, because I’m now apparently a wedding blogger and there’s only so much material I can glean from focusing on just our wedding alone.

I hope to continue to write about these issues, but here are some of the things I want to share so far. They may or may not spawn longer posts, but I make no promises:

It’s not “tacky” unless it’s on a cork board!

I cringe when people ask if something they want to do for their wedding is “tacky.” And of course, it bothers me when brides tell other brides that something they’re planning “might be seen as tacky.” Okay, so maybe some things can be distasteful. Or rude. Or non-traditional. Or completely overdone to the point of cliche. But the word “tacky” bothers me so much when I see it, and I see it a lot.

Love is a Look

It sounds so cheesy but people in love really are beautiful. Some people might hire bad photographers, and perhaps even have bad makeup artists, but I’ve never seen someone post an engagement or wedding photo where I thought to myself “wow, they look hideous!” No. They look happy, in love, and gorgeous. Every time.

Love is a Look Part 2

As I said above, you look amazing, happy, and lovely in your photos. So stop using them to amplify your insecurities and the parts you hate about yourselves to others online. If you feel ugly in your pictures, find a way to do the inner work for yourself, maybe with a trained professional who can help you with your self-image (I’m dead serious and there’s no shame in seeking this kind of help).

Wedding customs and parties I had never heard of until I joined a Facebook group for Brides:

Have you ever heard of a dollar dance? A groom’s cake? A bridesmaid proposal box? A stock the bar party? A hen party? A Jack and Jill party? Apparently some of us are missing out!